Attack of the Mush: On Wanting

I’ve nearly forgotten the last time I fell in love. Though I do remember, that when I did, it felt damn great. I barely recall the last person who made me feel that nothing else in the world mattered as long as we were together. All I knew was he was there… with me.

When I think about all the bad things happening in the world. The recession, the never-ending war amongst fellow men, AH1N1, calamities and even everyday crimes --- from as petty as theft to all the way as inhuman as murder. When I think about the world and its evil, it’s no wonder I am not the only one looking for love.

But as far as I am concerned whenever any calamity, war, disease, or any injustice brought about by evil to any man, even a death of a matriarch of a country such as ours, people come together to express what seems to be more than sympathy but true love and concern. But yes, love is often seen at its best during the worst of times. Though fortunately, that’s not always the case.
But as far as I am concerned whenever any calamity, war, disease, or any injustice brought about by evil to any man, even a death of matriarch of a country such as ours, people come together to express what seems to be more than sympathy but true love and concern. But yes, love is often seen at its best during the worst of times. Though that’s not always the case.

If you really think about it and observe, you’ll find love everywhere. A mother to a son, a father to his daughter, friends, old friends, new ones, lovers, brothers or sisters, even a child on his favorite pet. If you try and find it hard enough, it really is here, there and everywhere. In whatever shape or form, it does exist and endures. But like on everything else, there’s a limit to what you could give. There are certain things that you could only take. Then you ask yourself, with all the love that surrounds even the most romantic, passionate and loving person in the world, is love really enough?

For those who know me pretty well, they have seen me madly in love and they have also seen me broken to a million pieces because of it. And yet here I am still searching, enduring, hoping, and waiting for that one perfect occasion, when the planets and the stars are aligned, to meet that one person that could change everything in your life without a moments notice.

I want to remember how it felt like, what it was that drove me crazy, what made me not want anything else but just to be beside him. To touch, feel, smell, see, experience everything that that one person could give. And to be given the chance to give it all back.

I want to be reminded how to fight because you cared, you loved. I want to argue because the little things mattered. I want to cry because I was hurt. I want to be able to wake up every morning saying that it will be beautiful regardless of the bad weather because you knew, you’d wake up beside the person you were meant to be with --- maybe not forever but at least for that moment. I want to be able to sing again not because I have to but because each melody, word and rhythm reminds how wonderful you feel. I want to be able to dance without a care in the world because it doesn’t matter how stupid you may look, for that one person watching you happy was enough. I want that one person in the world who will still love me even when there’s no more reason to but will still find one.

I want to finally find you.

So if you’re out there, let’s have coffee. My treat.


Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo